


Tomorrow's Night Sky

by aestia



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Depression, I have no clue where I'm going with this, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Mild Language, Recovery, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Smoking, i haven't planned anything out, i was too lazy to write a proper ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:14:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25520413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aestia/pseuds/aestia
Summary: “Hey.” Yuta called, walking out of the trees and towards the stranger. The boy didn’t seem fazed at all from seeing him come out of the forest. “Don’t do it.”What was he doing? It wasn’t like it mattered much to him anyway. This was just a stranger, someone who Yuta had never met and probably would’ve never met if not for his asshole of a father.“What’s it to you?” The boy asked monotonously.Yeah, what is it to me?Yuta really didn’t care, but there was something about seeing someone kill themselves right in front of him that didn’t sit right. He hated his fucking morals.***Yuta never thought that meeting a stranger about to kill themselves would put an end to his endless daydreaming, but apparently, the world is full of surprises.
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Tomorrow's Night Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I was in an angsty mood so I went back to an idea I had back in 2018, made a wheel decide for my otps, and somehow ended up with this! I hope you liked it!

Yuta didn’t personally think that he was that hopeless. His teachers said otherwise, but there was a reason he daydreamed so much. After all, it was much easier to create a fake world in his head where everyone was happy, where he could be everything he ever wanted, where he could come home to smiling parents who wouldn’t hate him simply because of who he liked. Very much unlike the reality of this world, where no matter what he did, no matter what he said, he felt like he would never be enough. Wouldn’t it be better for him to get lost in a world of his own creation?

Obviously, his father didn’t think so. 

“You’re so fucking useless! Always wandering around with that stupid ass blank face! I slave away at work to provide for this family, and what do you do? You stay in that goddamn room, on that stupid fucking phone, doing absolutely nothing!” 

Yuta didn’t have the heart to point out that his mother was the reason that they were staying afloat and that his father only worked twenty-five hours a week. He also didn’t feel the need to point out that he was actually the top of class and spent all his time in either the library or the kitchen. So he stood there, silently, and took it without feeling anything. This was normal, after all. If he wasn’t mistaken, then his father’s next words would be...

“Get out of this goddamn house, you useless son of a bitch!” 

Ah, so he predicted correctly. 

Without missing a beat, Yuta grabbed his backpack, shoved his feet into his shoes, waved his mother in the kitchen goodbye — more an obligation than him caring about her — and he was gone into the pitch black night. He would probably get a call from his father at 3 am, the old fart probably spouting some bullshit about him being sorry. He was never actually sorry. But just like every other time, Yuta would come home, because he liked having wifi more than he hated his parents. Just routine. 

Although, it was only 9, and Yuta still had a while until sunrise came and he had to get back to the house, so he figured he might explore a little farther than he usually does. 

Yuta had learned after the third time he had been kicked out to not dwell on anything. It would only bring more pain than necessary. The best way to pass the time when walking was to let his mind wander. Imagine what his family could’ve been. Imagine what would’ve happened if he had never been born, and someone else had been in his place. Would they have been able to please his parents in the way that he never could? 

A daydream that Yuta found himself frequenting was one that wasn’t necessarily sad — it might’ve been, but Yuta was, honest to god, numb to everything — but it wasn’t really happy either. It was one that put him in a fantasy world, one where he had been born to a different pair of parents, a pair that cared about their son above everything else, who didn’t treat him like a lesser being just because they had given him life. That sounded happy, but Yuta never felt truly happy, even in this fake reality. He wondered if he even knew what it meant to be happy.

Before he knew it, he had become engrossed in his fantasy parents and not realized how far he had gone. He checked his phone for the time, not exactly surprised when he found that it was midnight. He tended to lose track of reality whenever he was walking. It was a miracle that he hadn’t been kidnapped or attacked by a wild animal yet.

Yuta had stopped at a cliff. One he had never seen, one he probably shouldn’t have ever seen with its distance from his house. It was tall, overlooking the sea with a tiny strip of sand at the bottom. But the land was so small that Yuta was sure that if he had a running start, he would land on the rocks that pointed upward into the sky and disrupted the waves. 

From his position near the forest path, he gazed at the water. So many times had he wondered what could happen if a riptide took him out to sea and drowned him. He wouldn’t be sad. After all, you can’t control the tides. He had entertained the thoughts of many watery deaths before, but he had never been near a cliff before. The view was certainly new to him. 

As Yuta surveyed the cliff, he caught sight of a black silhouette who was crouching on the edge. He silently debated whether he should go talk to the person or just stay there, since it wasn’t his business. But when the figure stood up and bent over to a point even Yuta felt fear for the mystery person. There was no doubt in his mind that this person, this boy, was going to jump.

“Hey.” Yuta called, walking out of the trees and towards the stranger. The boy didn’t seem fazed at all from seeing him come out of the forest. “Don’t do it.”

What was he doing? It wasn’t like it mattered much to him anyway. This was just a stranger, someone who Yuta had never met and probably would’ve never met if not for his asshole of a father. 

“What’s it to you?” The boy asked monotonously. 

_Yeah, what is it to me?_ Yuta really didn’t care, but there was something about seeing someone kill themselves right in front of him that didn’t sit right. He hated his fucking morals.

“What’s even wrong with you?” Yuta walked to the edge and sat down, his legs dangling over the height that could kill him. “I have all night.” 

“Not like you care.”

“I really don’t. I can’t even say it’s gonna get better, because honestly, I’m not so sure of that myself. But what about your family? Your friends? Don’t they care?”

“Trust me,” The boy spat, finally showing a hint of emotion. “if they cared, I wouldn’t be here right now. What are you doing here?” 

“I was wandering and saw the cliff, thought it might be nice to jump off, but then I saw that you beat me to the punch. Quite a shame.” Yuta chuckled to himself. But would he even jump? Peering over the border made him dizzy. Yuta was a pussy. He wouldn’t jump from something this high. 

“Sorry I ruined your plans.” The stranger said sarcastically. “But that makes us even, cause you ruined mine. I’ve been alone, and I planned to die alone. So thanks so much for stopping me.” He said the last part in a mocking voice, but Yuta couldn’t find the strength to be offended.

“You’re welcome.”

“Who even are you? I have never seen someone like you around here before. Everyone keeps to themselves, even if someone is about to die in front of them. You think you’re some kind of hero?” 

“Nope. Just didn’t fancy watching a suicide and going back home was more work than telling you to stop.”

“You didn’t answer my first question, douchebag.” Although the boy used language, there was no real bite in his voice as he sat down a few feet away from Yuta. 

“I’m Yuta. I walked three hours to get here. You?” 

“I’m Sicheng. I walked two minutes to get here. Why don’t you go home, Yuta, if you don’t fancy watching a suicide.” 

Yuta rolled his eyes. “It takes more energy than I’m willing to give right now. And even if I did have energy, I got kicked out. I’m not going back home any time soon. What about you? I’m here to thwart your plans of throwing yourself off the edge, so why don’t you go home?” 

Sicheng shifted uncomfortably, and Yuta almost felt regret for asking. Almost. “None of your business, you pretentious asshole. You should just fuck off already. I don’t care about what you have to say.” 

“Hey, I was trying to be fucking nice.” 

“You don’t have to be. Just go home. I’m sure whoever kicked you out is regretting it right now.” Sicheng spat. “After all, everyone loves a hero who stops people from killing themselves.”

“In case you haven’t realized, I was about to kill myself too. I’m no fucking hero. So quit being so goddamn rude. If anything, you’re the pretentious asshole.” Yuta growled. 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Yuta regretted it. Sicheng stopped talking, stopped moving, probably even stopped breathing for a solid minute too. For once, there was no daydream that Yuta could throw himself back into in the silence. Everything had vanished at some point after he had started talking to Sicheng, who for the record, was one of the rudest people Yuta had met in his eighteen years of life, right behind his own parents. Yet he felt the need to apologize. He had talked Sicheng down only to call him an asshole.

Before Yuta could get the words out of his mouth, Sicheng interrupted. “Don’t fucking apologize, you absolute dumbass.” 

Yuta recoiled. That certainly wasn’t what he had been expecting.

Sicheng finally turned in Yuta’s direction and actually looked at him. Actually met his eyes. “I just want you to know that you’re annoying and stupid and I wish I had never come here tonight so I wouldn’t have met you.” Yuta’s mouth pursed. Was there a point to the sudden name calling and insults?

“But… I forgot how nice it felt to be talking to someone. Or maybe it’s cause it’s you and not someone else.”

That took Yuta off guard for the second time in less than a minute.

“Don’t let that get to your head.” Sicheng quickly added on. 

“I won’t. Would you tell me what’s going on?”

“Do you care?” 

“I do now.” Yuta replied. Sicheng had just said that he didn’t mind having Yuta around. What kind of grade A cunt would he have to be to say that he still didn’t care? That kind of insensitivity was on a level for only his parents.

“I bet it's stupid to you.” Sicheng mumbled. 

Yuta moved a few inches closer to the other boy. “It's not stupid if it drove you to come here and think that you should end your life. I won't say a word to anyone, and I probably won't even see you again. You can tell me anything.” Yuta reassured Sicheng, who took a shaky breath. 

“I haven't been able to feel anything properly for years. Like emotionally. And then a few months ago my mom pushed me down the stairs. And I finally felt something. So I thought I'd rather feel something and immediately die afterwards than to live any longer feeling like a puppet without a mind of its own.” When Yuta didn't say anything, Sicheng scoffed. “It _is_ fucking stupid, I knew it.” He said, turning back to the sea.

“It's not stupid.” Yuta didn't look away from this almost stranger. “It's completely reasonable. But I'm sure there has to be something out there that can make you feel something. Whether it be anger or sadness or happiness or excitement or anxiousness. I'm almost the same as you, you know? I’m so used to being abused that I just stopped caring. But every once in a while, my friend makes me smile and actually laugh, and I think for a single second, that maybe I actually want to be on this Earth . If you don't have anyone like that, then let me be yours. I know we're actual strangers, but it'd be better for you to talk to someone who knows how you're feeling.” Yuta finished, and with Sicheng’s silence, Yuta was pretty sure that he fucked up and over stepped a boundary somewhere. But you couldn't blame him, he literally just fucking met Sicheng. How could he know what was off-limits?

They sat in silence for another few minutes, Yuta waiting for Sicheng's reply and Sicheng probably thinking about something. 

After an eternity, Sicheng opened his mouth to speak again. “You would do that?” 

“Of course I would. I'm the one who talked you down. Hell if I don't take responsibility now.” Yuta said, and Sicheng looked back at him. It was now that Yuta could finally see Sicheng, with the moon illuminating his features. The other boy looked around Yuta’s age, but he was so… hollow. So empty and sunken that he looked like a corpse that had just been brought back to life a few hours ago. Even with the moonlight, his eyes were dull and lifeless, almost like he wasn’t even seeing Yuta in front of him. 

“We’re complete strangers, but you’re about to burden yourself with me.” Sicheng breathed quietly, as if he couldn’t quite believe what Yuta had said. Although, to be fair, if Yuta was about to kill himself and a stranger came up to him and said that they were going to be his friend, he would have trouble believing it too. 

“Except you’re not a burden. You’re a human being who deserves to have someone they can lean on.” Yuta pointed out. To be honest, when he had first seen Sicheng, he truly hadn’t cared much. but after learning that the other boy was a worse version of himself, he figured he could afford to be nice to someone other than Taeyong for once in his life.

“That’s rich. I’m not a human. I’m a piece of shit.” Sicheng said, and although Yuta wanted to be nice and say that he wasn’t, he didn’t know enough about Sicheng to say otherwise. So instead, he stretched his arms out in front of him.

“That makes the two of us then. But people like us should stick together, shouldn’t we?” 

“You’re crazy.” 

“A little bit.” Yuta wasn’t about to deny it. “But if someone is holding out a hand for you, maybe you should take it, regardless of their sanity.” 

He moved his head back to look at Sicheng, who had been eyeing Yuta with wary eyes. “I want to help you.”

“How much help can you be? Didn’t you say that you were going to kill yourself too?” Sicheng pointed out, and Yuta shrugged.

“I might’ve. I was certainly thinking about it. But I wouldn’t, whether you were here or not. I may not look like much and I might not be able to give you the advice you need, but I can least promise that I won’t leave you.” Yuta locked eyes with Sicheng, not letting the other boy look away. “So, what do you say?” Yuta said as he stuck out a hand. 

Sicheng stared back for another minute or two, the faintest twinkle of hope in the void that were his eyes. Then slowly, very hesitantly and apprehensively, Sicheng took Yuta’s hand into his own. 

Maybe Yuta wouldn’t have to daydream anymore. Maybe he finally had a chance at life. Maybe he would have Sicheng at his side the whole time. Maybe not. Who really knew, aside from the designer themself?

***

Before Yuta realized it, Sicheng was the most important part of his day. When he woke up in the morning, Sicheng was always his first notification. All throughout the day, he was occupied in the neverending conversation with the boy that he learned was around the same age, albeit a few days younger. When he came from school, even as he was doing his homework, he was talking to Sicheng. The only time he wasn’t was when he was showering. The last thing he saw before falling asleep had been Sicheng’s contact name for the past month. 

It didn’t seem to bother Taeyong much that Yuta was now ignoring him in favor of his phone — after all, Taeyong had his own friends. Yuta might’ve been hurt that Taeyong didn’t try to make an effort to talk to him, but he knew that he was a dry person. Taeyong was a people pleaser, and Yuta’s reactions never showed enough emotion for Taeyong to feel valid. It was understandable that Taeyong would leave him for other people. Besides, Yuta knew that at the end of the day, Taeyong would have his back. They had had each other for the past thirteen years, after all. He wasn’t worried about Taeyong not sparing him a single glance. 

The days moved past in a blur, and it didn’t take much longer for Sicheng to take over every second of Yuta’s waking hours. Whether it was worry because the other boy had been MIA for over two hours, or relief when he finally texted back, all of Yuta’s newfound emotions revolved around Sicheng. It was a weird feeling, but Yuta didn’t necessarily hate it. It was… a welcome change from his usual numbness. 

Every night, Yuta would sneak out, walking three hours to the cliff that he had first met Sicheng on. Every night, Sicheng would be waiting, the tiniest hint of a smile on his face, and Yuta would lose himself, only not in daydreams this time. Now, he would get lost in Sicheng. In his lame attempts at changing the subject with a horrible joke, in the single sparkle that would occasionally appear in his eyes when Yuta brought up something he had an interest in, in the soft laugh that would sometimes escape his lips whenever Yuta would do something stupid like trip over air, in his obvious need for physical affection but the way that he forced himself to stay at least a foot away from Yuta at all times. 

It actually pissed Yuta off, that someone this sweet — well, at times, since he had a savage side to him too — had been left alone all his life, had been born to a pair of heterosexual conservatives who actually lay hands on him. Not a single person had ever attempted to even befriend him before Yuta did. Every time he thought about it, Yuta felt his anger resurface. How could anyone to do that someone like Sicheng? Someone who had been through so much for so long yet was so innocent? Yuta’s only hope in humanity was in Sicheng himself. 

Sicheng, who had been on the verge of ending his life, but was still so strong. Strong enough to have dealt with bullying from every person imaginable, to have dealt with the abuse of his parents who were supposed to love and take care of him emotionally and physically, to have dealt with being alone for years and years. Yuta occasionally found himself wondering if he had the right to help Sicheng, whose suffering far surpassed his own. If he had the right to say that he would help Sicheng get better when he himself was still struggling.

And even with all the progress in his emotions, Yuta was still essentially the same. The only difference between now and before was that Sicheng was in all his daydreams. Instead of wishing for parents that Yuta could never have, he fantasized about a world where he and Sicheng had known each other for years, were best friends. It didn’t even matter what Yuta’s parents were like, because he knew that if he had met Sicheng much earlier on, he wouldn’t have cared as much about what they thought of him and destroyed his emotions in the process. 

“What are you thinking about?” Sicheng asked gently, soft voice cutting through Yuta’s dream. 

Yuta turned to Sicheng, who was watching Yuta with wide and questioning eyes. He really was so good and pure that it hurt a little. “Nothing much. Just about how glad I am that the old man kicked me out when he did, cause I met you. I remember you saying that you wish you didn’t come here that night cause I was annoying and stupid though.” Yuta replied, and he didn’t need much light to know that Sicheng’s face had flushed red. 

“I’m sorry about that. I really thought that you were just an asshole. For once, I’m glad I was wrong. You’re the only reason I’m making it through the day, Yuta.” Sicheng admitted. Yuta’s heart almost did a flip, but not quite. That level of emotion was still locked for him. 

“I'm glad I could be of help.” Yuta said with a smile. 

They were sitting on the cliff again, legs hanging over the edge with only a few inches between them. The waves crashed into the rocks below, the push and pull of the tides giving the pair very relaxing background music. Groups of clouds lazed their way across the midnight sky, lit by nothing but the moon’s rays. Stars twinkled like how Sicheng’s eyes did every once in a while, littering the vast space above them with their light. There was the tiniest breeze that barely moved the grass around them, but it was perfect. There was a reason Yuta loved early November weather. 

“You know,” Sicheng started, bringing Yuta's attention back to him. “I never thought that I would ever feel something again, much less something positive. I was so fucking sure that I would stay numb until I drew my final breath. But you changed everything. For the first time in what seems like my entire life, I’ve actually felt some sort of happiness. I’m just worried I won’t be able to pay you back for what you’ve done.” Sicheng ended in an even softer voice than Yuta thought was possible, but Sicheng was full of surprises. 

“Why would you have to pay me back? I’m doing this because I want to. It’s not like I expect anything back. As long as I can help you, I don’t need anything. So don’t worry about that.” Yuta said, turning back to the sea. Sicheng was doing more for him than he was for him, but the other probably didn’t even realize it. 

“You’re doing too much for someone like me.”

“Someone like you?” Yuta echoed, although he already knew what was coming next. Sicheng would talk about how he didn’t deserve to have someone care about him, how he was ‘a mistake’. While Yuta understood the feeling of worthlessness, he did wonder how much he would have to do in order to make Sicheng realize that he wasn’t a waste of time.

“You know what I’m going to say. I keep repeating myself. I feel bad for you, having to listen to me all the time. You must be sick of me.” Sicheng chuckled almost silently, a noise that Yuta wouldn’t have heard if he didn’t have his senses fine-tuned to every single one of Sicheng’s actions. 

“Why would I be sick of you? I knew from the start what I was signing up for. Besides, it’s not like your voice is hard on my ears. I don’t mind at all.” Yuta sent Sicheng a reassuring smile, because if there was anything good about him, it was the smile that his teachers had complimented him on. It was the only nice thing they had ever said to him, so it had to mean something. 

“Is that so.” Sicheng said, more so to himself than to Yuta as he gazed into the distance. 

“Yep. You’re not bad on the eyes either.” Yuta added, and Sicheng almost shoved him off of the cliff. But Yuta didn’t mind. Because as he rolled onto the grass behind him, clutching his shoulder and crying out in fake agony, he could see a pure, unadulterated smile plastered across Sicheng’s face.

***

The next day when Yuta made it to the cliff, Sicheng was there, but unlike the past month, where he had walked up to Yuta as greeting, he stayed seated on the edge, knees pulled to his chest. Yuta approached carefully, not sure if Sicheng was just tired or if there was something worse going on. 

“Sicheng?” He called out slowly, causing Sicheng to turn around. The moon was dimmer tonight than usual, but even with the lack of light, Yuta could see the swelling of Sicheng’s eyes. 

Yuta found it important to note that in the past month that they had known each other, Sicheng had never cried. Not when he was telling Yuta how his ‘best friend’ had tried to make Sicheng kill himself as a dare, not when he was talking about how his parents had abandoned his grandmother on the streets after finding out that she was offering Sicheng relief from their abuse, not when he revealed that all of his teachers and counselors had simply told him to drop out of school because he was a waste of time and resources, not even when he talked about his mother setting fire to his mattress while he still was on it.

“Oh, hey, what’s wrong?” Yuta said in a voice as close to a coo that he could get without sounding like he was talking to a child. He finally made it to Sicheng’s side and sat down right next to the other, who stayed silent.

After maybe, ten seconds, Sicheng’s spoke. He sounded like a terrified child. “C-Can I hug you?” As soon as the words ‘of course’ escaped Yuta’s mouth, Sicheng fell into his chest. Hesitantly, Yuta wrapped his arms around Sicheng’s back, and as soon as he locked his hands together, the trembling started. Almost instantly after that, Yuta could hear small sobs coming from Sicheng, and he decided to not say anything, just let Sicheng get everything out. He didn’t count the minutes that passed, just held Sicheng as tenderly as he could and rubbed his back. What Sicheng needed right now was for someone to be there, not someone who would force him to talk. So that was what Yuta did, while constantly replaying the words ‘who the fuck dared to mess with him’ in his head. It took almost everything he had to keep his heart rate calm and blood pressure down. Dealing with Yuta’s anger was not something Sicheng needed to do right now.

It took a while longer for Sicheng’s sobs to subside, but he still didn’t pull away from Yuta’s embrace. Yuta didn’t move him away either. He might not be used to physical contact, but he wasn’t a fucking monster. He didn’t expect anything else to come out of Sicheng for tonight, so it was a surprise when Sicheng took a shaky breath like he was about to talk.

“You don’t have to say anything, you know.” Yuta said, but Sicheng shook his head. 

“You said it’s better to get it out.” Yuta hummed in acknowledgement. He did say that, but he was still a little iffy on letting Sicheng bring up something that was obviously a fresh wound.

“I’m listening.” Yuta moved back from the ledge, folded his legs, and pulled Sicheng in closer so that the other was curled up in his lap.

Sicheng’s gaze was fixed entirely on the sea when he began to speak. “He yelled at me.” _Murder spree is not advisable, Yuta, don’t you dare get pissed right now._ “He shut off wifi on all of my devices, and when I asked him if he did it to confirm, he said that my tone was ‘demanding and rude’. So I forced myself to cry to get him off my ass. But on the way here, it just morphed into actual crying. I’m so fucking scared now, Yuta, because I know if he wanted to, he could easily snap my neck and play it off as me offing myself. He would do that. He doesn’t care about me. He just wants someone he can control, because apparently my mom wasn’t enough for him. I don’t know how much fucking longer I can do this. One of these days, I’m going to fucking snap.” Sicheng bit out the last sentence with more anger than Yuta had heard from the other boy in the past month combined, but tears began to well up in his eyes again. 

“You’re going to be okay, alright?” Yuta whispered, bringing his thumb up to wipe away the teardrops falling from Sicheng’s eyes. “Hey, look at me, Sicheng.” 

Sicheng didn’t tear his stare away from the sea for a while, as if he was having trouble looking anywhere but. But eventually, he did, and Yuta looked as deeply into the other’s eyes as he could, trying to get all of his feelings across. “Fuck him. Fuck them both. For tonight, and every other night, it’s just us, okay? It can even be all day if you want it to be. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you before, but from now on, you can text me, and I’ll be there. I’ll beat the shit out of that stupid grimey motherfucker. With gloves on, of course, I’d hate to dirty my hands with his conservative germs.” Yuta added the last part in an attempt to make Sicheng laugh, and was mildly pleased when the other boy did, the smallest of chuckles escaping his mouth as he snuggled even closer into Yuta’s chest.

“What if we just leave? You hate your parents, I hate mine. Let’s just go.” Sicheng mumbled after his smile fell off his face, and Yuta’s blood ran cold. He had considered that so many times before, but he never really had the guts to do it. After all, he didn’t pay for his cell service. How could he connect to the news if his parents cut him off? Racking his brain for information of his bank account, Yuta figured he probably had a good two thousand in total. How long could they live off of that?

“You’re thinking too much,” Sicheng’s hands moved up to cup Yuta’s face. “Would you want to, if the chance ever came?”

“Of course I would. But there are so many things that we need to consider.” Yuta covered one of Sicheng’s hands with his own, nuzzling into the warmth of the other boy’s palm. “Especially considering that it’s going to be winter in a few months.”

“Do you want to graduate? To have at least a high school diploma?” Sicheng asked, the question seemingly random, but Yuta could somewhat understand what Sicheng was trying to get at. 

“Not particularly. But I don’t have the funds to support either of us for very long, not with winter so close.” Yuta repeated. Winter was a hellish thing, especially in the area that they lived in. Of course, they could always escape to a warmer place, but the travelling fees would be expensive as well, and they would still need money for water, food, and shelter. Not to mention, they would need some access to the internet, in the likely occasion that their cells are disabled. Would Yuta love to run away with Sicheng and forget everything about his life so far? Yes, without a doubt. But there was so much that they would need to keep in mind, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle any of it— 

“Stop overthinking it. I’m sorry I suggested it, let’s just talk about something else.” Sicheng pulled his hands away, and Yuta’s heart sank at the loss of contact — he couldn’t figure out why though. _Quite an odd feeling._

“It’s okay. Trust me, I would love to leave everything behind and just run, but maybe not at this moment. For now, I’ll protect you from everything until the day we can leave everything behind. How does that sound?” Yuta suggested, and Sicheng closed his eyes. 

“Sounds great.” Sicheng sighed, relaxing his entire body in Yuta’s hold. 

***

About another two months passed. It was almost January, all of a sudden, and Taeyong, ever the social butterfly, had invited Yuta to a New Year’s party. While Yuta had instantly wanted to decline, he knew that a night drinking couldn’t possibly be worse than a night at home, where tensions were rising with every day. 

“So, Yuta, who’s the internet friend you’ve been ignoring me in favor of?” Taeyong had asked while they were alone at his house. Yuta had offered to help his only friend other than Sicheng out with setting up, and Taeyong had graciously accepted the assistance.

“You wouldn’t know them.” Yuta replied as he pulled the cliche red Solo cups out of their packaging.

“You’d be surprised at how many people I know.” Taeyong snickered, but he didn’t press the issue any further. He was always good at realizing what information Yuta wanted to and didn’t want to divulge. 

Once the first guest arrived, a boy that was tall as shit named Johnny that Yuta recognized from the basketball team, Taeyong forgot that Yuta was there, and Yuta wondered what the fuck had ever prompted him to come here instead of just sleeping at home. 

For the first few hours of the party, Yuta stayed in the kitchen, constantly refilling his cup with some liquid that was ‘guaranteed to get him hammered’, just wondering what Sicheng was doing. Yuta had needed to tell him that he wouldn’t be able to make it to the cliff tonight. Sicheng accepted it, but Yuta couldn’t help but worry about the other boy now that he was here. He listened in on strangers’ conversations and watched people come and go for hours until someone approached him. 

“May I ask who you are?” Yuta asked as politely as he could to the stranger, who had obnoxiously dyed red hair and kind of resembled a tomato. But he was cute, in a baby sort of way. 

“I’m Taeil. You’ve been sitting here the entire time.” 

“What about it?” Yuta asked as he took another sip of his drink. The boy who mixed it lied. This was his fifth cup and he was still feeling sober as he had been when he got here.

“You wanna come out back with me and a few friends? You look stressed and we have more than enough joints to go around.” Taeil offered, and Yuta was tempted to turn it down. He coughed a lot when smoking. But it did sound pretty nice…

“I’m in.” Yuta downed the rest of his cup before following Taeil out Taeyong’s back door. He thought he could see Taeyong on the dance floor, grinding against Johnny, and briefly wondered if Johnny’s dick was as big as his pants suggested, but Taeil calling out his name cut off his train of thought pretty quickly. 

In Taeyong's backyard were three other boys, out of which Yuta only recognized one, Jaehyun, star athlete of the school and heartthrob of the town. His ego was disgusting, but Yuta did respect his accomplishments.

“This is the guy you were talking about, Illie?” A blond asked, a joint already lit in his mouth and his eyes red. 

“Yes, now don't be rude, Doyoung. I know that look.” Taeil shut Doyoung up as quickly as possible, and Doyoung grumbled. 

“Asshole. What's your name, dude?” Doyoung asked after taking another hit, smoke tendrils coming out of his mouth in a large gray puff and floating into the sky, disappearing like Yuta’s will to be here. What was Sicheng doing right now?

“Yuta.” Yuta clipped as he took out the nearly wrapped joint the third boy was holding out for him. This one looked much more put together than Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Taeil, but he also looked considerably younger. “Thanks. Who are you?” 

“Jungwoo.” Jungwoo's hair was pitch black, almost bleeding in with the sky behind him, and his eyes seemed far too lively for the group of people he was hanging out with. Though it might’ve just been that he was high as balls. 

“Nice to meet you, Jungwoo.” Yuta said, producing the lighter that Taeyong had given him as a gift in junior year. He closed his lips around the paper and light it, reveling in the way that he literally felt his lungs give up on him. Yuta couldn't stop himself from coughing like he had been drowning, but none of the other boys paid him any mind, other than Taeil who gave him a semi-concerned look but didn't say anything. 

After Yuta had stopped coughing and took a few more hits, Jaehyun spoke. It wasn't the first time Yuta had heard him speak, but his rough voice would always take Yuta off guard. “So, what got your tiddies in a twist, Yuta?” 

“Just my pure regret for coming here instead of sleeping the night away. The alcohol wasn't even that good.” Yuta scoffed as he looked up. Fireworks were beginning to go up, and he hated seeing light in the sky that wasn't from the stars or moon. 

“Of course it wasn't. Mark is a fucking pansy,” Doyoung laughed harshly. “I don't know why Taeyong keeps letting him mix the drinks. You would've been better of just taking a vodka bottle and drinking the whole thing.” 

“I'm realizing that now, thanks.” Yuta rolled his eyes, though not at Doyoung. At his own stupidity. How was Sicheng doing? Was he at the cliff or was he at home? Maybe someone at his school had taken pity on him and invited him to a party. Maybe he was having the time of his life right now, drinking good alcohol and getting higher than Jungwoo. Yuta hoped that Sicheng wasn't leaving his drinks unattended. 

“You don't really talk a lot at school, right?” It took Yuta’s muddled brain another second to realize that Taeil was talking to him. He sent the tomato a questioning look, and Taeil followed up with, “I see you around Yongie, and it's always him talking. And you don't have any other friends, right?” 

“Nope. Don't need them.” Yuta replied simply as he took another hit. 

“Wow, so cool.” Doyoung snickered, and Yuta didn't even want to dignify him with a response. He was tired anyway. 

“You should have some friends at least.” Taeil insisted.

Yuta turned to the shorter male with a deadpan expression. “Thank you for inviting me to get high with you guys, but I don't really want any other friends. Just two is enough.” Ah, fuck. For some reason, a wave of regret washed over Yuta after saying that sentence. Why though? 

“Two?” Jungwoo echoed, slumping on Doyoung's shoulders like a sloth. “Someone like you can get two friends?” 

“Yeah.” With every word that exited his mouth, Yuta just felt more and more guilty. Why was he feeling this way? What was so wrong with telling other people that Sicheng was his friend?

“Wow, who's the mystery friend?” Jaehyun slurred. It must've been the combination of the joint and the cup that was sitting on the table next to him. 

“You don't know him, but he's my best friend. He even said we should run away together.” Yuta said, trying to puff out his chest to act proud, but every nerve in his body was screaming at him to stop talking. _Why, why, why, why, why??_

“Run away?” Taeil seemed to be the only one who had their shit together, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Or was it worry? Oh, well, Yuta didn't particularly give a shit about what tomato-head was thinking. “Run away from what?” 

Yuta’s knees chose that moment to buckle beneath him, and he fell on his ass on the hard concrete of Taeyong's patio. Instead of complaining about the sharp pain that was rocketing all throughout his body, Yuta giggled. He fucking _giggled_ like a little girl. 

“Yuta, are you okay?” Taeil asked, moving over to Yuta’s side. 

“Nope!” Yuta replied cheerfully. “I’m never okay — oh my God, it's Taeyongie and Mr. Beanpole!” Yuta shrieked as Johnny and Taeyong came out back. He tried getting up to give Taeyong a hug, but ended up tripping on his own feet, ending up with him faceplanting into the concrete. _It doesn't hurt. Not one bit._

“Jesus Christ, what did you guys do to him? This is the first time I've seen him smile since school started.” Taeyong said. Yuta couldn't really see his expression though, since his own face was buried in the ground.

“Nothing different than usual. He's just hyper, I guess. You've never seen him high before?” Jungwoo’s voice was softer than earlier, sleepier than before.

“He usually takes like two hits and then he's done.” Taeyong nudged at Yuta’s side with his foot. There were footsteps next to Yuta’s head, but he was now very tired and didn’t pay attention to them.

“I think,” Yuta flipped onto his back to look at the pitch black sky. _Where did the fireworks go?_ “Helen Keller is actually a god. You wanna know why?” 

“Why is that?” The deep voice was unfamiliar, but Yuta was too lazy to see who it belonged to. 

“Cause she. Eyes. Oh my God, I can't see. I'm fucking Helen Keller now. I don’t know if I can handle this responsibility.” Yuta brought his hands to his face. _I have eyes? Woah. Pretty fucking tight._

“Yuta, what the fuck?” This person sounded like a smoker of 45 years. How was he still alive??

“You can't say bad words.” Yuta had to warn this sinner. What if Sonic the Hedgehog heard them use that kind of language?

“Yuta, maybe you should drink some water.” _Kind person helping me up. I can finally see!_

“He's not gonna remember any of this, right?”

“Probably not. Might be for the best.” 

Yuta didn't remember, cause his last coherent thought was ‘God, I hope Sicheng is doing okay’, and then he blacked out. 

***

Yuta was pretty sure that he had done something be regretted last night, but he couldn't seem to remember anything past meeting Taeil in the kitchen. He knew he got stupid high, but the only thing that was for sure was that stupid tomato colored hair and maybe Helen Keller? How the fuck did some dead lady tie into everything?

Although he knew better than to look at a screen during a weed hangover, Yuta couldn’t stop his hand from going to his phone. He was in one of Taeyong’s guest rooms, the one he used to stay in during grade school. It was still the exact same as before, even with Mango the Chicken in the corner on a sofa. Making a mental to thank Taeyong for giving him a place to stay, Yuta turned his phone, and the messages from contacts Yuta was pretty sure he didn’t have before startled him. Apparently high Yuta was a pretty social motherfucker. Who would’ve guessed?

Yuta pushed through the headache and replied to all his messages, most of which were from a new group chat that had Taeil, Johnny, Taeyong, Doyoung, Jaehyun, Jungwoo, as well as two other boys that Yuta wasn’t sure he was acquainted with. He might’ve been, but last night was a blur. Anything could’ve happened. And much to his disappointment, Sicheng hadn’t texted him at all. _But that’s fine. I just hope he’s okay._

It took another hour for him to finally drag himself himself out of bed and to the bathroom. The room that Yuta always stayed in was connected to Taeyong’s in a princess suite, so right before shutting the doors of the bathroom, he could see Taeyong still passed out in his bed, Johnny curled up next to him. Yuta smiled at that. It was good, that Taeyong had someone who could take care of him in the way that Yuta never could. He deserved at least that much.

Yuta and Taeyong had drifted farther apart when high school started, but that never changed the fact that Taeyong had been there for Yuta when he had nothing, and vice versa. Just because they didn’t talk as much anymore didn’t mean that Yuta didn’t care. Taeyong would always be his first friend. 

After washing up and using some of Taeyong’s body mists to get rid of the weed smell that was lingering on his body, Yuta made his way down to the kitchen, which was a fucking mess. Taeyong must’ve fallen asleep before getting to clean up. _Might as well do something useful,_ Yuta thought as he began emptying out the numerous red cups on the counters. _Stupid ass wasteful teenagers. If they’re going to drink something, they should at least finish it._

After doing that, Yuta stacked all of the cups and tossed them in a new garbage bag. The one from last night was too full to be able to fit anything else. Along with the cups, he put in the paper plates. Once the counter was cleared, he got a wet paper towel and began wiping everything down. Some people were so messy and inconsiderate. After cleaning the counters, he swept the floor, and he was done. 

With only the kitchen.

Yuta was in the backyard gathering trash when he heard the sliding door open. He turned around to see Taeyong, eyes still puffy and red from sleep. Might’ve been the high too, but Yuta would like to think otherwise. 

“How long have you been up?” Taeyong asked groggily, rubbing at his temples and squinting. 

“What time is it now?” 

“Twelve.” 

Yuta’s mind immediately said ‘Fuck 12’, but he didn’t voice it. “Been about two hours then. Guessing that you just woke up?” Taeyong nodded, and Yuta hummed in acknowledgement, turning back to the ground and the cups that still were littered around the backyard patio, not to mention the cigarettes that were probably a fire hazard. 

“Thanks for cleaning up.” Taeyong said, to which Yuta replied, ‘Don’t mention it’, because this was the least he could do. 

“About last night,” Taeyong started. Yuta looked away from his cleaning to his friend, who had stepped outside and closed the door behind him. 

“Oh, yeah, did I say anything stupid? I’m really sorry if I did, I’m pretty sure I was high out of my mind.” Yuta laughed. 

“No, you didn’t.” Taeyong replied, walking closer to Yuta. As soon as he was close enough, Taeyong threw his arms around Yuta’s neck. It took all of Yuta’s strength to not flinch at the sudden physical affection. 

“W-What’s going on? I _did_ say something stupid, didn’t I?” Yuta stammered, but he hugged Taeyong back nonetheless. 

“You’re showing a lot more emotion then you used to.” Taeyong noted, head still buried in Yuta’s shoulder, and Yuta nodded. “You told us about your parents.” 

It was like Yuta’s blood circulation stopped instantly, and suddenly, he was feeling every bit of the January cold. He couldn’t even open his mouth to say a simple ‘oh’, and Taeyong continued. 

“I’m so sorry. I knew that there was a reason that you used to stay over so much, but I never knew what the reason was, and I’m so goddamn sorry that you had to suffer so much and that I didn’t help you. I’m here for you, always, Yuta. Me, even Johnny, Jaehyun, Taeil, Doyoung, and Jungwoo now too. You even have Sicheng. You’re not alone. Even if you think you are, you’re not. I’m so sorry I ever let you think that.” It might’ve been Yuta’s imagination, but Taeyong’s voice was shaky, like Sicheng’s right before he was about to cry. 

Getting over his shock, Yuta combed his fingers through Taeyong’s pink hair. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“You can’t cut me out like that. I was okay with you ignoring me for Sicheng, but with something this important, you should talk to me.” Taeyong mumbled into Yuta’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry. I will.” Yuta had never talked to Taeyong about this kind of stuff before. When they were younger, it was because he wasn’t really sure if he was being dramatic or if most parents did that, and by the time that he figured out that it wasn’t normal, they had drifted. But if Taeyong was willing to do this, then Yuta could probably make it a habit of talking to him. 

“Wait,” It finally sank in that Taeyong had said Sicheng’s name multiple times. “you know Sicheng?”

“You wouldn’t stop talking about him last night.” 

“Oh.”

“I’m glad you met him, but I wish you didn’t have to meet him in the circumstances that you did. You’ve been dealing with this for years and you never told me, asshole.” Taeyong pulled away from Yuta, softly punching his shoulder after. “You were even gonna run away with Sicheng, but you never. Fucking. Told. Me. Anything.” With each word, Taeyong hit Yuta’s stomach again. 

“I’m sorry.” Yuta let Taeyong hit him with a small chuckle. 

“You know, if you two really wanna still run away, you should live with me.” Taeyong said under his breath as he turned away with pursed lips. Yuta had to do a double take to make sure he wasn’t hearing things. He wouldn’t hold his mind above hallucinations. 

“What? Live with you? What about your parents?” 

“They’re getting divorced. Mom is leaving and me and Dad get to stay here. You know how he is. You and Sicheng could live here for another ten years before he even realizes you’re here.” Taeyong spoke clearly this time, staring Yuta straight in the eyes. The offer was incredibly tempting, but Yuta also didn’t want to impose. Dealing with his annoying ass at school was already a lot, but to have Yuta living in the same house would be hell. And add on Sicheng, a stranger to Taeyong… 

“Stupid ass.” Taeyong ripped him out his thoughts by landing a harder punch to Yuta’s shoulder. “I can read your mind. You won’t be a burden, and neither will Sicheng. So if you really do want to live your situation, my doors are open. And I know you don’t remember it, but so are Taeil’s, Doyoung’s, Jaehyun’s, Jungwoo’s, Johnny’s, literally everyone you talked to last night. We’re all here for you.” 

Yuta didn’t anything in response, just fell into Taeyong’s open arms. It hit him that everything good that happened to him since November was all thanks to Sicheng. Sicheng made him comfortable enough to start talking, having conversations with Sicheng helped Yuta explore the emotions that he thought he had lost, and now, last night, the only reason that Taeil had approached him was because Yuta was staying in the kitchen. He wouldn’t have done that if he hadn’t been so worried about Sicheng. 

And for some reason, Yuta didn’t doubt that a lot more good things would happen because of Sicheng. 

**Author's Note:**

> I remember when I first had this idea, the person who I replaced with Sicheng was supposed to die. Thank god I decided to change that, huh?
> 
> And in case any of you are wondering "where's the romance what the fuck is this click bait"  
> I didn't add a strangers to lovers tag bc their relationship in the part that I wrote isn't romantically based. You can tell that Yuta does fall in love with Sicheng but not everything is about romance here. They're just depressed teenagers. ^^ hope you forgive me for click baiting (is it considered click bait?)
> 
> Twitter : aestia5


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